i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
is wine microwaveable?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
