cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
