I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
