This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
