I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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