dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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