omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Hippo gnu deer
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
