I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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