oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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