I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
