clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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