last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We got so high we made milksteak
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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