Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
