Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
