U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you didnt know i had herpes?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize