you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
