Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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