is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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