Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
