I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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