Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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