im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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