fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize