My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
