atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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