I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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