addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
