fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize