So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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