There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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