why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
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