Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
