she was so not down for the gang bang
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The air was thick with penises
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
