What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
