currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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