We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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