apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
