I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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