I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
