so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
