Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
