I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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