Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
