I love black thongs
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
