That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
