my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
