heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
