Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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