when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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