Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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