So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
