i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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