i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
