idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
