Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
