the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
