end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
