I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
