i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
