I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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