Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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