i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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