I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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