It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
