im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
