One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize