Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
