apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Small penises have feelings too.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
