I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
