Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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