I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
