why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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