I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
