I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
