My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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