he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
