it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
