i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
