They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
