whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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