So drunk its hurt
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
