Soap is not a condiment
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
