did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
